Zack, Kelly Morris slain; Carosi among those in custody

Stacey Carosi hides her face while entering the Bayside Police Station on Tuesday. Carosi is thought to be responsible for the slayings of Zack and Kelly Morris.

Stacey Carosi hides her face while entering the Bayside Police Station on Tuesday.

BAYSIDE, Calif.—Zack Morris and Kelly Kapowski-Morris were found dead Tuesday in their Bayside residence, and Stacey Carosi, a beach resort heiress who once had a summer fling with Mr. Morris, is among seven women apprehended in connection with the slayings.

Zack and Kelly, in happier times.

Zack and Kelly, in happier times.

Carosi appears to be the ringleader of the alleged slaying septet, all of whom had some sort of romantic connection to Mr. Morris over the years—romances that often ended abruptly.

“It appears Morris’s short attention span in the romance game finally caught up to him,” said Albert Tuttle, Bayside chief of police and brother of one of the multipurpose educators at Bayside High. “Carosi’s meaningless romance lasted nearly a summer, which seems to have put her in the position of gang leader here, but she hardly acted alone.”

Along with Carosi, Bayside law enforcement are holding the following young women for their alleged roles in the killings:

  • Danielle, who as a college student would occasionally rendezvous with Morris at the trendy dance club The Attic.
  • Wendy, the overweight gal who blew her life savings to buy a date with Morris, which officially lasted about 92 seconds.
  • Kristi, the female wrestler who during a date at The Max defended Morris from a sure ass-whipping by a Valley tough.
  • Melissa, a wheelchair-bound damsel who met Morris via an advice hotline and eventually inspired Morris and his friends to feel like shit for having full mobility.
  • Jennifer, a former lover of Bayside classmate Albert Clifford (aka A.C.) Slater who became sloppy seconds for Morris for a day or two.
  • J.B. Slater, sibling of A.C. Slater who attended Bayside High School for approximately six days and was on the receiving end of Morris’s doo-wop skills during a performance by The Five Aces.

Morris’s dating pattern was consistent with all of the suspects: he would give the relationship a chance for a limited period of time, then allow things to end, often in the middle of a dance or shared milk shake. The young ladies would then disappear from Bayside, while Morris would resume his pursuit of Kapowski.

“I find it strange that A.C. would remain friends with this Morris character, seeing as his ex-girlfriend and his sister went missing shortly after their relationships with Morris apparently hit the skids,” Tuttle said.

As it happened, the women had not vanished but had merely relocated to Carosi’s resort, where they enjoyed a communal lifestyle while Carosi developed their murderous plot, which Bayside cops say was put into action late Monday night.

The women left behind a gruesome crime scene inside the Morrises’ bungalow. Morris had been bludgeoned with his outdated, oversized cellular phone; Kapowski-Morris had been bound by her lifeguard whistle, run over by a small vehicle (presumably Melissa’s chair), and then asphyxiated, likely by Wendy the large gal smothering Kapowski with her girth.

Most disturbing, however, was a message written in what appeared to be Morris’s blood on one of the interior walls: “Friends Forever.”

“That will haunt me for all of my days,” Tuttle said. “I’ll never be able to listen to that song again.”

The phrase "Friends Forever" was scrawled on an interior wall in what appears to be Morris's blood.

Friends Forever was scrawled on an interior wall in what appears to be Morris's blood.

Bayside cops could have faced a long list of suspects in the Morris slayings—it’s no secret that Mr. Morris had crossed many people during his life. Principal Richard Belding was constantly at odds with Morris. A.C. Slater watched Morris marry the foxy Kapowski after banging Slater’s ex and Slater’s sister. The Bayside dorks and nerds were targets of constant putdowns and financial scams. And Tori Scott, who once dated Morris, seemed like the kind of badass who could kill.

But Carosi’s gang came forward with confessions just before dawn Tuesday, saving the police a lot of legwork. According to James Patovich, who represents Kristi the wrestler, everyone but Carosi had no idea what to do next, as their lives always seemed to “hit the end credits” at the moment of climax. So they turned themselves in, figuring their roles were inconsequential from this point onward.

Principal Belding mourns at The Max.

Principal Belding mourns at The Max while wearing a Johnny Dakota jacket.

While Carosi awaits the legal process, Bayside residents and alums are coping with the tragic loss of the town’s most photogenic couple.

A.C. Slater and on-again/off-again girlfriend Jessie Spano delivered a heartwrenching rendition of “How Am I Supposed to Live Without You” at a Tuesday night vigil in downtown Bayside. A historically accurate ritual was performed by Native American relatives of Chief Running Zack. And Principal Belding canceled a raft trip with his brother Rod and dove head-first into a drunken stupor at The Max.

“My life sucks,” Belding said.

Samuel Powers was not contacted for comment.


4 responses to “Zack, Kelly Morris slain; Carosi among those in custody

  1. Chris, it scares me a little that you know so much about ZacK Morris’ past flings…
    I totally forgot that Leah Remini was on “SBTB”–now it’s all coming back to me! I need to watch more TBS.

  2. wow, This…Is…Awesome. Surprising Jessie made it though, I figured she would have been too messed up on some kinda pills.

  3. WOW. I stumbled upon your blog after searching for Blue Edwards, but DAMN, this is the post right here. I’m pretty sure my SBTB knowledge is unparalleled, but you, sir, have displayed a fine grasp of the dating history of Zachary Morris. Brilliant work!

  4. Very nice! As a SBTB fan of 20 years, this was definitely worth the LOL.

    You might want to check on the other potential co-conspirators:

    Lisa Turtle, whose romance with Zack was so short-lived, everyone seemed to forget it.
    Nikki Kapowski, whose crush on Zack was cruelly rejected.
    Leslie Burke, who was entangled in Zack’s web only to be cast aside once Kelly showed up.

    One tiny nit-picky thing, Bayside High was in L.A., not a town of its own. >.>

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